Happy New year

god’s wrath.

Let me tell you of the gods’ wrath.
They sit
And roar with laughter
And mock
As they feast
While arbitrators abuse all they stand for
They clamor, angst heralded by rumbling clouds
And forth comes the rain
As we sweat and weep under it as it forms deltas, tributaries, channels
All watering the trees that these arbitrators grow.

*           *        *           *
Mother’s breast.

Mother’s breast sags,
Heavy with milk of wisdom.
She yearns
For her children’s thirst
That they may gulp
And see themselves shallow,
Void of foresight, justifying this madness,
This madness that is their way of life.

Hello guys. Happy new year to you and yours. I wish you all that you wish yourself. Most importantly I wish y’all success.
I need y’all to critique this pieces for me. Whatever your comments might be. Let’s hear them. Thank you.

Advertisements

4 comments

  1. Emirtea · January 2, 2015

    I love the second part more–it’s deep.

  2. teleola · January 3, 2015

    Poem 1
    Since you are talking of the deities, the title should carry ‘g’ not ‘G’
    Laughing and feasting with wrath? That doesn’t happen with humans much less with very temperamental gods.
    I understand what you meant but we cannot sweat under rain.

    Poem 2
    Sagging breasts are only skin. If there’s milk in them, they would stand.

    I liked both anyways.
    Wish you the very best in the year too.

    • phonicphoenix · January 3, 2015

      For poem1: the G in god’s, silly mistake really. I’ve fixed it. As for the sweat line well, I do not have anything to say considering the fact it wasn’t even in the poem until I added it seconds before posting. The one thing i do have to say is that you didn’t see the irony in the poem. The persona is frustrated and hence tries to vent. He’s speaking about how the gods have folded their arms albeit ironically, hence “let me tell you about the god’s wrath. They sit and roar with laughter and mock…” This is just to paint a picture of the fun the gods are having watching men suffer at the hands of these arbitrators… Except my definition of irony is contradictory I do not think my point is invalid/wrong.

      Poem 2: breast sags either with or without milk and no! sagging breast isn’t just skin. We shouldn’t be critiquing based on prejudice. Read up on Ptosis on Wikipedia. I’m sorry if this sounds wrong but I think I had to say it. Coupled with the fact that during sagging the nipple faces downwards, so it doesn’t have to look like a granny’s before it’s called sagging.

      I rest my case.

  3. reubenrane · January 9, 2015

    Mother’s breast is really heavy with milk. Age-old thirst lingers with the children. I just wonder how stale that milk is right now. Awesome imagery mann.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s